Friday, May 23, 2008

Cap'n Blogger

Avast, it be yer friendly pirate captain, Cap'n Jack. Not Jack Sparrow, as that be copyrighted. Anyway, here be me blog. No one'll e'er read it anyway, so who bloody cares. Iffen ye care, say summat. Thankee. I be postin' a blog to try to inject some piratitude into the internets. An' yes, I know thar be one internet; what do ye take me for, a lowly swab?! Anywho, today I'll be tellin' ya how to inject some piratiness into yer day. First off, ye need the pirate walk. The walk that says, "ARR!!! I be a pirate who don't care but will still rape, pillage, and plunder!" Iffen yer friends laugh at ye, then rip out their intestines an' feed 'em to the ship's goat. Also, say ARR whenever the mood calls for it. Someone needs $5? ARR!!! On a date an' makin' yer move? ARR!!! Always works. That be all fer now.


Liberal Atheist said...

Jack, we care, we just don't care enough.

Now, are you sure you got the order right - rape, then pillage, then plunder? Personally, I'd go pillage, plunder, rape - you can get the other kind of booty at any port you call at. Especially Tortuga.

Liberal Atheist said...

Also, I'd like to see you say "arr" right before you make out with Sam. I wouldn't like to see the act, but her reaction to your piratitude would definitely be fun to watch.

Cap'n_Jack said...

Well, order doesn't really matter. Pillage comes before plunder, but usually you stick a little rape all throughout. "I'm going to pillage, oh look, a comely wench." Just like your mom.