Saturday, May 24, 2008

Tips for an Anti-Sematic Zombie Invasion pt1

Many people don't know this, but zombie attacks happen every day. Ever hear about campers getting lost in the woods and never being found? They probably got eaten by a roving band of zombies. (sorry for not finishing this, I was doing field research in Hannah's mouth....I MEAN BRAZIL!!!) The government and media want to cover it up because they're secretly controlled by the Jews. Zombies don't have need for money, so there's no way for the Jews to exploit them. Actually, Jews created zombies when they tried to collect a debt from a dead guy. He rose from the grave, crazed and hungry. It's all the Jews' fault. We should kill them! KILL THE JEWS! KILL THE JEWS! TOTEN SIE DIE JUDEN! HEIL HITLER!! HEIL HITLER!!*ahem* Anyway, zombies are scary. Real scary. So when running away from them while pushing your Jew "friends" into the undead mob, remember to keep your cool. Many a time have random people broken down and started sobbing, just waiting to be eaten. So don't do that. Instead, as previously suggested, throw Jews to the teeming masses of hungry zombies and run in the opposite direction. That way, you're alive, the zombies are full, and there are less Jews in the world. Everyone wins. Except the Jews, but who cares about them? Another helpful tip: in the event you run out of ammo, feel free to use spare Jews you didn't throw into the mob as weapons. Although unwieldy at first, after you've fought on for a while and most of the Jew is eaten, your weapon becomes light and manageable. Remember: All jews must die except John Stewart and Lewis Black because they don't act all that Jewey. More info coming in part 2.

*DISCLAIMER* I am not a jew-hating nazi, and I do not take secret instructions frrom Hitler's secret moon base.........I've said too much


Liberal Atheist said...

Haven't you read World War Z? Israel builds a massive wall and searches everyone coming in or out of the country. Terrorists try to destroy the wall, so they use tactical laser systems to swat the mortar rounds and RPGs out of the sky. The Jews survive, Jack. There's nothing you can do.

Cap'n_Jack said...

What? WHAT? GOD DAMN FUCKIGN JEWS!! AHH! Wait, new plan. Take over the government with the pirate party, then use the new rediculous nuclear arsenal to wipe out Isreal, and leave a smoking hole. How you like them apples?