Friday, June 20, 2008

The Adventures of Dave the Reaper (Part 2: Sing-Along With Dave)

The next day, Dave was called into his boss' office. "Damn," Dave told his friends in the locker room, "I'm dead meat!" His friends just laughed. I mean, who gets stuck to a tortoise for a whole day? It's an amateur mistake, and Dave should have known before laying his hands on that tortoise.

Dave arrived at the office. His boss was waiting for him, an unhappy expression on his face. "Damn," said Dave's boss, "Why didn't you fill your quota yesterday? Or records show you reaped 1.5 souls yesterday, a record low." Dave explained the sticky situation. At the end of his story, the boss' face relaxed. "Damn. I suppose you did the right thing in that situation," the boss said, "but next time give us a call to let us know what's up."

Dave was surprised he had been let off the hook so easily. "Damn," Dave said once he was out of earshot, I thought I was done for!" His friend Rob agreed. "Damn," said Rob, "Who knew that they would be so lenient?" The answer was nobody. Nobody knew.

Of course it couldn't be that easy! To make sure that Dave didn't skip out like he had the previous day, they made Rob go with him. Along with that, they were testing a theory. Could two reapers reap twice as fast and twice as many as one? The answer was yes. Yes they could. "Damn," said Dave. "I'm too used to flying solo. This feels awkward." Rob agreed. Nevertheless, Rob and Dave went a-reaping together.

And they sang their a-reaping song:

Look, oh there, a pool of blood
A shark attack or drowned in mud
Or choked on too many spuds
I guess it's our lucky day

Died while trying a new dance
Or putting on spiky underpants
Or trying to eat some poisonous plants
Hey, I guess we're in luck

A-reaping, a-reaping,
He died while he was sleeping
A-reaping, a-reaping,
Dental pie a cheap thing!


There were eight more verses, each more grotesque than the last.
And then the big finale:

Reap this, reap that,
Reap the man in the yellow hat!
Reap here, reap there,
Reap the guy taped to a chair!
Reap me, reap you,
Reap my old and broken stew!
Reap high, reap low,
Reap while eating to-ma-toes!
Reap underwater or in the sky
Your soul is soon to say goodbye!


When Dave and Rob were done reaping, Dave said, "Damn. We reaped so many souls today! It might be a record!" Rob added, "Damn, you could be right."

Back at ReapCorp HQ, the boss was pleased with their results. "Damn," he said, "You two were so productive, I'm going to make you full-time partners!" "No thanks," said Dave, "it's much more fun alone, even if it's less musical."

Answers to Part 1 Quiz
1) 25
2) Homopus bergeri
3) 3


Quiz:
1) What is Dave's friend's name?
2) Is Dave an amateur? Why did he make such an amateur mistake, then?
3) What is your favorite line of the song?
 

5 comments:

chickenboy said...

Answers to quiz:
1) Jahny's friend doesn't have a name, it's a trick question.

2) Dave is an amateur (this answer is based on latin, when amateur literaly means love of job). He made the mistake because he was so caught up with his love that he wasn't paying attention?

3) I am equaly impressed with 2 lines of the song

"reap the guy taped to the chair"
-change reap to a diffrent word with the same letters and you understand why

"Dental pie a cheap thing"
-It is about how 4/5 dentists recomend sugar free trident chewing gum! Duh!

chickenboy said...

I'm not sure where jahny came from, but answer to number 1 is *dave's friend doesn't have a name...

Bishopk said...

You didn't answer the quiz last time.

Cap'n_Jack said...

It's not an amateur mistake, it's a rookie mistake. Get it right.

chickenboy said...

I agree with Jack. It was a rookie mistake for you not to put rookie mistake. Ir you were PRO like us, t hen maybe it wouldn't have happened...