Monday, July 28, 2008

Fuck Everyone Everywhere

As you might be able to discern, I didn't fucking enjoy my fucking trip to fucking Estes Park fuck. This is mostly because of horse shows. Since I have nothing better to do, what follows is a detailed description of all horse shows everywhere.

Horse shows are a boring waste of time carried out by brain dead self-righteous assholes who hate anyone who doesnt agree with them. You may think this sounds harsh. It isn't. First off: the events. Half of all horse show events are where a bunch of people on horses go in a circle at different speeds as instructed, then go in the opposite direction and do the same thing. Sound fun? About as fun as being castrated by a pack of hungry pit bulls. The other half is where a bunch of people, one at a time, go over a series of jumps in a specific order. This takes hours, as everyone takes a warmup go, then a real go, then another real go. After you go, you wait about an hour to find out if you got in the top 6. After that, you have no fucking clue. Second: the people. Everyone's a girl, and all two guys who take it seriously are gay. So are half the girls. Anyway, the girl's horse comes first, even before breathing. And these boring events that consist mostly of standing there matter so much, that everyone cries, either because their godly angel horse didn't get first, or they did get first but they didn't think they deserved it. And if you say to them "The main goal of this is to have fun", they bite your head off (most of the time figuratively). Same thing happens if you disagree with them. And they all think that they're the best people the human gene pool ahs ever produced because they ride horses. Like everyone else before cars. Third: price. No one has ever made money at a hrose show unless they bet on it. All the good horses cost at least $20,000, and you have to pay a few hundred bucks every month to make sure they don't die. So all in all, you wil be financially fucked forever. You even have to pay to compete. Best prizes they offer are some horse thing you already have 10 of. Fourth: the judges. It doesn't matter how good you are, the people who know the judge are going to win. Always. It makes the government look honest and truthful. Fifth: I don't care anymore because I hate horse shows. For every 10 minutes of competing there's hundreds of thousands of dollars, years of preparation, hours of waiting doing nothing, mountians of depression, and the occasional prize of a horse blanket or empty scrapbook. The Fucking End

20 comments:

Bishopk said...

So... How'd Molly do?

Cap'n_Jack said...

Well, she got some ribbons in some classes and cried a lot. After that, I have no fucking clue. Why do you ask, eh?

Vampi. said...

O_O /e gives Jack a beer?

Bishopk said...

Ummmm, why do I ask?
Nhhhhhhhhh

Liberal Atheist said...

Bishop asks for, I believe, a multitude of reasons.

First, I believe he wishes to know how you still regard your immediate family members, especially the one that brought this hell upon you. Your response indicates that you care little for the feelings of your sister, which is understandable.

However, I believe the second reason is because he's hopelessly in love with Molly. You're trying to hide it, Bishop, but we all know it's true.

Kidding. (Unless it's actually true. In which case, creepy.)

Bishopk said...

um

chickenboy said...

So you don't post far over a month and a half (not beacause your busy, we all know you sit at home watching porn an dplaying videos games all day), then your first post is a bunch of pscho mumbo jumbo and an acusation? Are we gunna stand for this? What next gunna tell us some nonesence about how obamas recent trip to NOT visit the troops was justified?

By the way, 2 reasons is not generaly refered to as a "multitude." Fyi.

Vampi. said...

Psssht, we ALL know Bish's love is for bacon, not Molly... geez get it right v.v

chickenboy said...

Well that could be misintuprited easily. Or maybe it was inturpreted exactly as it was supose to be...

Chuck Noris like knitting sweaters in his spare time.

By knitting I mean kicking and by sweaters I mean babies.

Vampi. said...

O.o

Bishopk said...

Yeah, I actually meant to ask if you got any horse bacon while you were there. You see, 'Molly' and 'Horse Bacon' are spelled a lot alike, and I guess I just made a mistake. By the time I realized it, Jack had already posted, and I thought there would be some weird questions if our comments mysteriously disappeared.

Vampi. said...

Yup... Molly and horse bacon are VERY similar in spelling. Like cheese and mongoose.

Cap'n_Jack said...

Beer is good. I'm saying it only once. Except for the bunches of times that I'll say it after this. James, shut the fuck up. Bish, there is no horse bacon. I've checked. I mean I've physically killed a horse (with my fists and forehead), and dug around inside it to find anything bacon-esque. There is none. Stop these horrendous fantasies before you kill again! Vampi, I've had a harrowing experience involving a mongoose and some cheese, so I ask you not to bring it up again. I'll expain later.

Bishopk said...

What? There's turkey bacon and canadian bacon, why can't there be horse bacon?

Vampi. said...

Oh I can't WAIT to hear this tale...

Liberal Atheist said...

Matt, Obama didn't visit the troops in Germany because (and you might not know this) he gets tailed by a horde of reporters and he didn't want to politicize the troops. The small outcry over this doesn't compare to what would have happened if he actually had visited the troops. Photographers and videographers would have seen a smiling presidential candidate visiting American soldiers; Fox News and Rush Limbaugh would have seen a man INJECTING POLITICS INTO OUR HONORABLE SOLDIERS! HOW DARE HE! HE DESECRATES OUR WAR DEAD! So he didn't visit them. And he's visited troops before; it's not like he hates all of our troops and can't stand the sight of them.

Oh, and that post was a joke. A long-winded, nerdy, somewhat confusing joke. By your responses I'm pretty sure you didn't get it, which is fine, because I had trouble getting it myself.

Cap'n_Jack said...

Oh no James, I got it, it just wasn't funny. At all. On a scale of 1-10 in terms on funny, it was an epic fail. I wonder if there's Canadian Turkey bacon...hmm...

chickenboy said...

he gets tailed by a horde of reporters and he didn't want to politicize the troops.

WRONG! Uberly not right in any possible way. Except the followed by reporters. He WANTED to be followed, and they told him that they weren't alowed to come. Sooo, since it wasn't going to covered, no pictures/videos/reporters, he diecided he didn't need to go. James, you actualy got your facts so mixed up that you had them backwords. So proud of your mistakes. Makes it too easy.

Liberal Atheist said...

Okay, this is what fightthesmears.com says:
"Barack Obama’s campaign canceled an originally private visit (no media) to wounded troops in Germany to avoid politicizing our soldiers during his campaign-funded trip in Germany."

Now, your answer, which if true would mean Barack Obama is a self-serving, arrogant man (e.g. a politician), is probably accurate, so I apologize.

Of course, if you do feel the need to see him with troops on his overseas tour, you can look on youtube for video of him in Afghanistan, Kuwait, and Iraq, places he visited later on the tour. (He even rode in a helicopter with David Petraeus. If you're going to talk to one soldier in Iraq, make it him!)

chickenboy said...

Ah, well I have been listening to the news non-stop for the past two weeks, and both fox and cnn said (although obviously cnn was less blatent) that the cameras wern't aloud. Cnn said thats not why he didn't go, but w/e.

Oh, and I agree. Just a politician. He still made a pretty major mistake in my mind.