Tuesday, September 23, 2008

This Week

I promised to make my liberalness funny. That is a goal that is out of reach for the moment, because I'm too arrogant. (Note to self: Work on this.) However, I can make the news funny, or at least post interesting/ridiculous/stupid headlines or sections of stories, which you guys can then make fun of. I can also do this weekly. As such:

*fanfare* THIS WEEK... IN NEWS: *fanfare dies down abruptly*

HEADLINES

1) Bush Chides Russia in UN Speech (news.bbc.co.uk): This is a major step for George. He has now committed to traveling, possibly via car, to New York City, speak with foreign dignitaries, and "chide" aggressive powers that destabilize the world. [fake] He plans to "chide" Iran, the insurgency in Iraq, and "especially" Grenada in the months to come. When asked to comment, the President said "I was chided as a child by my mother, and it sure done me good, so I'll plan to chide some ... destabilizing... regimes." [/fake] [true] Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran, fired at George Bush by calling him a "bully" (online.wsj.com, latimes.com). He also went back to his standard stump speech, saying that Israel is "doomed".[/true]

2) Large Pushy Pig Traps Australian (news.bbc.co.uk): I'll let the lead paragraph speak for itself. "A woman on the north coast of New South Wales in Australia is being held hostage in her own home by a large pig, Australian media report." No further comment.

3) Some Congolese See Hope in a Cauldron of Liquid Fire (nytimes.com): I don't think I even need to make a joke about how that's the only place to find hope in the Congo.

4) Google's Android Has Phone Debut via T-Mobile (online.wsj.com): ...Google is going to kill all of us. First a search engine. Then a mail system. Then an internet browser. Now a phone. The next logical step is nuclear weapons. WE CANNOT ALLOW THEM TO GO THAT FAR.

Finally, 5) Talk of Kim Jong Il's Reported Stroke is Taboo in North Korea (latimes.com): Apparently, Kim Jong Il (may have) suffered a stroke. The problem is, if he dies, he hasn't named a successor, so...the whole police state could collapse in on itself. And scare China. And South Korea. And Japan. Because they have nukes. Oops, I forgot to tell a joke!

That's all for This Week. I'm your host, a liberal. (At least I'm not a BOULDER LIBERAL.)

14 comments:

shadowoftruth said...

james you clould never be a bolder liberal because you have to own a bike and ride it high and sleep high and talk high basically you have to be high all the time and besides if Kim Jong il does die they will just stuff his body like Lenin and then North Koreas version of Stalin will take over...Stalin was bad enough... South Korea is fucked

Cap'n_Jack said...

1. I agree, when was the last time you rode a bike? Failure.

2. Either that, or Stalin will come back from the dead and run North Korea, reestablishing the USSR and taking over the world.

4. James, you fail at funny. Completely.

f(x)=5x^2-4x+your mom. Alestorm ROCKS!!! They're a Scottish Heavy Pirate Metal band, which is apparently a genre.

Liberal Atheist said...

Wasn't aware my mom was a whole number.

I was just trying to engender a discussion. Particularly about a woman being trapped in her own house by a pig. How the hell does that happen?

Kyle said...

Heh heh heh. What's up ya'll?

chickenboy said...

Matthew wonders which of several unknown kyles this could possibly be...

Bishopk said...

we gave Edens our url, remember?

Cap'n_Jack said...

Your mom isn't a whole number; she's an imaginary number, as you have two dads. Either that or your mom needs to shave. Badly. KYLE!!! Oh, by the way, Alestorm is possibly the best thing I've ever heard ever, so good job thar.

Kyle said...

JACK!

Also, who is Vampi? And I assume shadowoftruth is Sean, but I can't be sure...

Vampi. said...

Vampi is a friend of Bish's that no one knows.. And no, I'm not his feminine alter ego..

Hello, Kyle, nice to meet you xD

chickenboy said...

yea, thats sean, and Vampi claims to be a girl from Tennasee. Can't be sure though, nobody but Bishop knows for sure. Oh, Vampi might know too, but she *might* also be Bishop. If you figure it out then you will have solved one of lifes main problems.

Vampi. said...

I've never even been to Colorado...

I was born and raised in NY, then moved to GA, then to Tennessee...

I wonder why that's so hard to believe. Don't know who you all are, barely know Bish as it is. Don't know what you look like, nor have I ever gone to school with or met any of you...

Only know what little Bish has told me and what is here.

and yes RAWR defensive

Kyle said...

Well, I don't know who you are better than you don't know who I am. WHAT NOW?!

Vampi. said...

What now? WHAT NOW?! I'll tell you what now.










Rawr.

Kyle said...

Arrrrg! How did you know my greatest weakness?!?!?!?!