Saturday, October 4, 2008

The Spore Chronicles Pt. 1

A continuing story about a typical Spore game, filled with occasionaly humour and saturated with profanity. And if ONE person comments in the form of a haiku, I will tear your spleen out through your throat.

Alright, let's do this. Cell Stage, you will become my bitch. *click click click click* Let's do this shit. Alright, meteor theory, that works. YES, I am a.......gay pink blob. Damn. Oh well. Let's eat some plants. Lalalalalala. Oh look, spikes. That will surely kill everything I meet with no effort. Aha, now I can mate. Let's see some blob fucking.........what?! You sing a song then lay an egg? I WANT BLOB PORN!!!! Fuck! Hmm, let's add a few spikes......very nice......now some tentacle things.....Awesome. Fuck, it's still pink. Oh well. Eat eat eat. AHHH! OMYGODOMYGODOMYGODIT'SAGIANTSQUIDOFDEATHRUNAWAYRUNAWAY*death*FUCK!!! Well that sucked. Aha, a new start. FUCKIT'STHEGIANTSQUIDOFDEATHAGAINLEAVEMEALO*death*FUCK!!! Alright, another go........avoid the giant thing.......aha, I've grown bigger! SUCK IT SQUID!! Let's eat some green shit......What? New giant things? Fuck!....*death*.....aha, I'm half way through. *zap* Fucking electric things *cough* fucking poison things *shriek, death* fucking everything!! AHHHH!!! I HATE THIS GAME!!! But I must beat it. *death* Swimswim SWIIIIIIMMM!!! FUCK!!! *death* WHY CAN'T YOU SWIM FASTER YOU GAY PINK CUNT!!!! Yes! Almost done! Woohoo!.....what's with the caviar? Oh, they spawn little things. They can't kill-FUCK!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! *death* Damnit, there were like 50 of 'em. Aaaaaaaaaaaand*death*FUCK I DIED!!!! YES!!! YES!!!!! I CAN EVOLVE!!! SUCK IT BIT...*death*...FUCK I DIED AGAIN!!!! But who cares! On to.....creature stage. That must be tons easier, right?

29 comments:

chickenboy said...

Wow Jack, that's a typical beginning for you in spore? I know it's really not, because I went in for the first time playing that game (that's me, the one who sucks at all video games big or small) and didn't die at all. Although, my Creature did have a MASSIVE ummm...spike and balls growing out from the middle of his legs, so he had an advantage over all the other creatures.

Cap'n_Jack said...

Fine, a typical game of Spore played by an incompetant fool. FOr me, it would go *clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick* done

Vampi. said...

>.> v.v <.< I've never played spore....

shadowoftruth said...

Silly Vampi you
Should know that spore is godlike
an addicting game

Liberal Atheist said...

silly little Sean
deliberately annoy
Jack will fucking kill

Cap'n_Jack said...

That's it. Shafo, Sean, you both die in terribly gruesome ways. Maybe in a few years, but still something that would put all the Saw movies put together to shame.

chickenboy said...

Wth? Am I killed by association? Or is this some sort of response to my repetitious party boy*ishness*? I never, Repeat NEVER, answered this post in the form of a haiku. Is it just a mix up? Do you really mean James? I don't know how you mixed up James and I. Maybe your death threat had nothing to do with this post, and actually had something to do with...Oh Idk, my apparent love of pie. Is that it? My pie addiction? Sorry Jack, I'll try to keep that under control.

Vampi. said...

-gives Larry pie- There there Larry, I'm sure he meant James.
And I don't think I've ever even heard of spore... so... enlighten the n00b?

shadowoftruth said...

spore is a game were
you create a creature and
it evolves very fun

Jack i doubt you will
kill me worse then saw over
a haiku but still

Liberal Atheist said...

Sean is just deliberately antagonizing you, Jack. Would I?

shadowoftruth said...

james you forgot an
enter however haiku
that will remain still

chickenboy said...

I'll help Jack, because haiku's should be raped up the ass. Hard. With a great massive fiery rapage passion of rape.

Cap'n_Jack said...

My bad Shafo, I meant James. Just thinking of his extremem whiteness blinded my inner eye and I randomly put in your name. James, and now Sean several times, I will kill both of you very, very painfully. *hint: it could involve cheese-graders*

chickenboy said...

Btw, Jack, I counted up all the syllables in your post. It was 1224. That number is divisible by 17. That means that your post COULD be arranged in such a manner to become a haiku. Does that make you upset? Well don't worry about it, because I would NEVER actually count up the number of syllables in that long of a post. The number (1224) is completely made up, and might not even by divisible by 17. Better now?

Cap'n_Jack said...

Umm....sure?

Vampi. said...

hmmm cheese graters... dont forget the tooth picks and sporks.
Yes... that should do nicely

livetrapper13 said...

what the fuck is up with all these fucking hakius?!! i hate the fucking bitch who came up with them. FUCK YOU HAKIU USERS!!!!!!!!!!!

livetrapper13 said...

WHO IS VAMPI ANYWAYS!!!!

Vampi. said...

Alex, calm the fuck down. Only Bish know's who I am, to everyone else I'm just Vampi. So, join the masses and enjoy me being a mystery girl.

BTW, at least make decent threats next time... something more than "bad" make it believable... and humorous. We like humor. Humor makes things funny

chickenboy said...

Lmao!! Your cussing is funny! I can't take it seriously. Oh Alex, so innocent, so virginized.

livetrapper13 said...

oi, shafho there are 64 syllables in capn jacks last post.

livetrapper13 said...

oh and vampi if you thought alll that cussing was at you then you were sadly mistaken (well maybe not so sadly)i ment to say
'who is this nice lovley,pretty,intelligent addition to the blog named vampi'

Vampi. said...

Is this guy serious?

chickenboy said...

Well considering he has never met/has little experience with you and has absolutely no idea what you look like, I am gunna guess he is joking. On top of that HE is the addition to the blog, since you've been here for quite some time.

Vampi. said...

I was gonna say.... Since when am I nice? o.O


:P

livetrapper13 said...

hey! are you sticking your toung out at me or is that a backwards one-eared cat?

Vampi. said...

=^.^= < Cat
:P < Tongue.
:F < Vampi Bite
nlnn < Middle finger

chickenboy said...

-----------------|newspaPer
/--------------|rApe
< LimBo |
\--------------|MonkEy
-----------------|PaNASoniC

Vampi. said...

wtf? o.O