Friday, July 11, 2008

Haikus - Cannibal Style!

Shafo is at houseI am not hungry anymore
He makes me feel full

Honestly, he's strange
I think he wants to rape me
At least I am full

Stop staring at me
And please quit licking your lips
Are you hungry, too?


His flesh was my meal
Honestly, I think I'm fat
He tasted so good.

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Thursday, July 10, 2008

Look Over There, Thar Be Hookers!

I'm back, so let the lack of emotion commence.

As some of you might have gathered using your keen skillz of observation, I'm back from Europe. I actually got back Sunday, but because of zombies/random relatives, I was previously withheld. But here I am, ready to contribute to an almost unknown blog. Hooray. Several observations about Europe: 1. Lots of random porn. Porn everywhere. From "Erotik Sex Megastores" to children's toy stores, everywhere has at least one naked boob somewhere. It's insane. Imagine Shafo's subconscious, then imagine that everywhere. Exactly. 2. I found Waldo. He was on a small poster by an entrance to a loo in Paris. 3. German beer is awesome. Fuck budweiser, Germany is the winner. There was more, I'm just too lazy to think about it. Here's a question: what the hell happened to Darth Vader/Anakin between the first 3 and last 3 Star Wars movies? First three he was a whiny twit that everyone hates. Last three he goes all badass mofo. Is James Earl Jones that awesome? First one who tries to explain it with "Well, Padme died, so now he's dead inside", I will come to your house and pummel you with my fists and forehead. And then eat you. Then regurgitate you, then eat you again, just to make a point. Oh, and "smexy" is now an official word to be used whenever. That is all, now go back to whatever you were doing, as long it doesn't involve world peace. Read the full article.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Sean Goes To The United States

Some things I noticed about You Nork and Chicago

1. Cars don't stop for pedestrians the honk and then speed up.
2. There was a man wearing a cowboy hat... and that was all he was wearing
5. there were more hookers then there are people in Colorado Springs
3. All the taxi cab drivers sounded like illegal immigrants
4. there is no 7th floor in any of the hotels but they do have a 13th floor
6. Natives had an uncanny sense of when a traffic light was about to change
7. there is no number 7
8. Times Square needs an epilepsy warning
9. there is actually a spider man i met him

Yea so I just got back from Chicago

1. pedestrians go everywhere they was a crowd of them around each car
2. people love orange soda everyone was carrying a case around
3. two of the neighbors of the friend that i was visiting had a war with fire works and the police came to join in...
4. bish calls at the most inopportune times... like when I'm running for my life in an epic laser tag battle
5. paint ball is fun except for the fact i used a co2 gun in mosqueto infested land so i have been eaten alive
42. Segways own
666. everyone speeds like we were driving by a cop car going 70 on a 45 road (the cop was driving at the same speed we were)
Q. there are no mountains (i couldn't find west and had a nervous breakdown for the woods battle because i couldn't find my way out)
that's about it
still getting this posting thing down
feel free to correct any mistakes in grammar (this should keep James busy for a while)

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A Self Welcoming


Part 1 - The Introduction / Story

One fine day, Bishopk was browsing along the Wisecrack Express. Everything seemed fine, but it didn't seem... grand. So he thought to himself.
"Hmmm what could I do to make this blog better?"
He pondered, he thought, he questioned, and it finally came to him.
"Ah HA!" he exclaimed with great relish. "It needs a woman's touch. Some... femininity. Shafo just doesn't cut it."
I finally was able to convince him to add me to the list of contributors. (That convincing consisted of "Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase???" and "Ugh! Fine.") And thus, Vampi's reign had begun.

Part 2 - The Contribution
A. I give you all something. I'll allow you each to ask me 2 questions. No matter how... odd, I'll answer.
B. I think the entire Earth's human population's skin tone should be the same shade of blue. That way we could all have reason to say "Awww you look so blue," OR, we could all sing "I'm blue da-ba-di-da-bi-die" with just cause. Opinions?

♥ Vampi.
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Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Um... Sorry?

You know, I was on a vacationary journey too.
Nebraska is... fun? I guess. You gotta love corn, though.
The first day was driving. 10 hours in a car, not exactly fun. BUT WAIT! I hooked up the Wii for the journey (and feel free to ask me how some time). So we spent the entire car ride playing Lego Indiana Jones and Brawl. That was fun, I guess.
The next day was July 2nd. Not much happened. I think we went fireworks shopping for the most part.
On July 3rd, we went fireworks shopping again (to replenish our depleted stores). We also went to a minigolf place. We played minigolf there.
On Independence Day, We totally hung out at the parade and stole candy from little children. That was about it for that day.
The next day, it was time to go home. My brother let me play Brawl most of the way home so I didn't have to watch him fail at Lego Indiana Jones, while my sister stayed in Nebraska.
Yeah, it was pretty uneventful.
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Monday, July 7, 2008

Cheese molds more rapidly in india

Well I see that the blog just dies when I leave. Literally. A part from the comments there is absolutely no new information at all here.

Well we went to various national parks in the Utah, NM, Arizona area. Lemmy explain to you what all there is in that area. Desert
And more bugs.

We went to Arches which is like the Garden of the Gods with more heat and bugs. The park is also based on a funny sex joke, but we'll save it for later.

We went to Bryce. I met the HOTTEST girl ever there. Got numbers.

We went to Zion. It was 125 degrees. One hundred and twenty five. Fahrenheit. We created marsh mellow cream in the car. And bugs ate us alive (in retrospect it is better then being eaten dead I guess).

We went to the Grand Canyon. It rained. We missed sunset because of cloud cover, so I got up at 4 am in order to see sunrise. I missed it because of cloud cover. Fuck Rain. European pop star and the wet stuff in the sky.

We also visited a number of other national parks and monuments, with similar features (bugs, heat, rain-that doesn't get rid of the heat/sun). Joy.

I read a lot. Finished all of Charley D's stuff, Desert solitaire, some Twain etc. It was an over all amazing trip (see Bryce canyon information). Even if I did just spend the last 1.5 hours sorting though 47 e-mails...damn e-mail users who e-mail me during vacationary times.
-well, hopefully this blog will pick up now that I'm back.

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