Saturday, July 26, 2008

Take Charge, Take Action, Take Cover

Hey, my hands are tied.

Franz was confused. He'd spent the better part of his day shoveling, and was about to leave the facility when an elderly wizard backflipped off his favorite cow. "Grobulation!" shouted the watchman. His stuffed animals were no match for serious, regent magicool skills.
Thus, Kevin was forced to walk home. "Sigh," said he. Poor Kevin had a long day on the ranch, leaving him to make his tomatoes wither in the sunlight. It was that style of thinking that caused his mother to leave him, after all.
It was this style of thinking that made Shelly quit her receptionist job buying water to support her family. If only she had quit sooner, her father might still have her foot. It might have been that boy who stopped the flood, or the four-legged dentist with the bad hairdo, but she vowed never again to trust humans.
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Thursday, July 24, 2008

So...bored...can't...be...funny

Day 3 of my Estes Park thing I didn't tell any of you about. Here's how it's going:


Well, here I am at Estes Park for my sister's horse show that I'm not even watching, and here I stay until fucking Monday. There's nothing on TV except game shows from the 60's and rednecks hurting themselves. On the plus side, I hacked into the hotel across the road's internet without paying. Then I watched as it had an impenetrable smartfilter and didn't allow Youtube. But you can go here. Hmm, interesting. Anyway, wanna know how bored am I? I started the IB summer reading. Don't panic, I'm not enjoying it. It's the dumbest shit you've ever read. Don't try this at home. Essay's easy as long as you can bullshit decently. I haven't started that, but still. The guy who wrote the professor reading thing whatever must die, and he must die now. Quote: "Every Trip is a Quest (Except When It's Not)" Stunning mastery of all things logical that will help me to read better. Seriosuly, I could prove that Mr. Foster is a fascist, sexist, racist freak who has a food fetish. That's right, he wants to fuck his food. I haven't started the other one we could "choose", but I don't want to. Somebody help me and steal a helicopter or something to get me out of this boring-ass city! PLEASE!! ARGH!! *gurgle gurgle*

FATALITY
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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Everyone should fuck a cat. Up the ass.

Ok, well I am at my grandpas house for about a week (been here for a few days now), and I am not bored. For the first time this summer, I feel as if I have had a few days of semi-usefull productivity. I also have had my dose of some left side propoganda from my grandad. I swear he would be the best conservative news anchor ever if it wasn't for his extreme dislike of the gays. He pretty much thinks they are the devil. I know that because he said to me today: "gays are the devil." Anyway...



Everyone should visit moveon.org to see the worst left side, s-p based, democratic bullshit this world has ever seen before. No joke. It is so incredibly leaning left side, that even if james were still coming here, he would think it was bullshit. Total crap. Speaking of James, anyone noticed that "james smells like a gay rapist" is now tied for the second most popular label. It really says somthing to you. I am actualy not sure what a gay rapist would smell like, but I have to guess sperm, wouldn'tcha think? James doesn't actualy smell like sperm, but he is a red sox fan, and that is close enough for me.

Oh, guys we need to make sure we all show up at the oriantation thingy around about the same time. Ya know, so that we can go through line together at the same time. Like last year. When we all got there at the same time...and we went through the line together. Except James, swetty (the bastard refused to cut in line), and vampi. I think she has an excuse though. Just barely. So I was thinking like 10:30 on our day. I know it is a little earlier then we are SUPOSED to be there, but I hate those god damn fucking lines. Last year the boothes started closing down before everyone even got through the line. It sucked some eggs. Not all of the eggs, but some of them.
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Monday, July 21, 2008

dontcha just love the internet

so i found this on the internet isn't it great

INTRODUCTION
Worldwide controversy has been generated recently by several United States government websites removing, or restricting access to, material regarding technical aspects of nuclear weapons; specifically, how to make an atomic bomb. The reason usually given by the Administration is that National Security would be compromised if such information were generally available. But, since it is commonly known that all of the information is publicly available in most major metropolitan libraries, obviously the Administration's officially stated position is covering up a more important factor; namely, that such atomic devices would prove too difficult for the average citizen to construct. The United States government cannot afford to insult the vast majorities by insinuating that they do not have the intelligence of a cabbage, and thus the "official" press releases claim National Security as a blanket restriction.
The rumors that have unfortunately occurred as a result of widespread misinformation can (and must) be cleared up now, for the construction project this month is the construction of a nuclear device, which will hopefully clear up any misconceptions you might have about such a project. We will see how easy it is to make a device of your very own in ten easy steps, to have and hold as you see fit, without annoying interference from the government or the courts.
The project will cost between $5,000 and $30,000 dollars, depending on how fancy you want the final product to be. Since last week's column, "Let's Make a Time Machine", was received so well in the new step-by-step format, this month's column will follow the same format.
CONSTRUCTION METHOD
1. First, obtain about 25 pounds (~10 kg) of Plutonium239 at your local supplier (see NOTES 1 & 2). A nuclear power plant is not recommended, as you'll have to extract and separate it from spent fuel rods, and it's a messy job. Besides, large quantities of missing Plutonium tends to make plant engineers unhappy. We suggest that you contact one of the former Soviet Republics, or perhaps the Junior Achievement in your neighborhood. Fig. 1The sheet metal and the completed enclosure. A small rolling toolbox was chosen for the design, because of the ease of transport. Note the various stickers, which add believability to the disguise.
2. Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device (Fig. 1). Most common varieties of sheet metal can be bent to disguise this enclosure as, for example; a briefcase, a lunch pail, or a Buick. Do not use tinfoil or gum wrappers.
3. Arrange the Plutonium into two hemispheral shapes (Fig. 2), separated by about 4 cm. Use rubber cement to hold the Plutonium dust together.
Fig. 2 A Plutonium sphere for illustration purposes. Yours will look slightly different.
4. Now get about 100 pounds (44 kg) of trinitrotoluene (TNT). Gelignite is much better, but messier to work with. Your helpful hardware man or local Bomb Depot store will be happy to provide you with this item.
5. Pack the explosives around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in step 4. If you cannot find Gelignite, feel free to use TNT packed in with Playdoh or any modeling clay. Colored clay is acceptable, but there is no need to get fancy at this point.
6. Wrap this entire structure very tightly with duct tape (Fig. 3). Use a whole roll. This shall be the neutron reflector and inertial containment.
7. Insert the assembly from step 6 into the enclosure made in step 2. Use a strong glue such as "Crazy Glue" to bind the hemisphere arrangement against the enclosure to prevent accidental detonation which might result from vibration or mishandling.
8. To fabricate a detonator for the device, obtain a radio controlled (RC) servo mechanism, as found in RC model airplanes and cars. With a modicum of effort, a remote plunger can be made that will strike a detonator cap to effect a small explosion. These detonation caps can be found in the electrical supply section of your local supermarket. We recommend the "Blast-O-Mactic" brand because they are no deposit-no return.
9. Now hide the completed device from the neighbors and children. The garage is not recommended because of high humidity and the extreme range of temperatures experienced there. Nuclear materials corrode easily, and devices have been known to spontaneously detonate in these unstable conditions. The hall closet or under the sofa will be perfectly suitable.
10. Now you are the proud owner of a working nuclear device! It is a great ice-breaker at parties; is nice to cozy around on a cold night; and in a pinch, can be used for National Defense.
Fig. 3 Wrapping the explosive assembly with inertial confinement material, which also acts as a neutron reflector.
III. THEORY OF OPERATION
Oversimplified, the device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses the Plutonium into a critical mass (smaller sphere). The critical mass then produces a nuclear chain reaction similar to the domino chain reaction (discussed in this column, "Dominos on the March", February). The chain reaction happens really, really fast, which promptly produces a big explosion. And there you have it, a 10 kiloton party favor!
IV. NOTES
1. Plutonium (PU), atomic number 94, is a radioactive metallic element formed by the decay of Neptunium and is similar in chemical structure to Uranium, Saturnium, Jupiternium, and Marsium. Not to be confused with Unobtanium or Balonium.
2. Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined Plutonium, is somewhat dangerous. The shavings and dust have a nasty habit of igniting spontaneously, and are practically impossible to extinguish with materials found around the house.
Some Plutonium dust ignites spontaneously in a lab accident.
Wash your hands with soap and warm water after handling the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play in it or eat it. Any leftover Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant. You may wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in your local junk yard, but an old coffee can will do nicely.
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Sunday, July 20, 2008

if anyone owns a cat....

you should go to this website
http://www.xmission.com/~emailbox/humor.htm

i found it at tech camp...where one of my 4 roomates (there where 5 people and 4 beds so i slept in the closet) walked around the room naked the kid was barly a teen...he turned 13 like 2 weeks ago...it wasnt' right so we threw towels at him...he got mad and side that we were all guys so why should it matter if he was naked...so we threw him out the window(dont worry we were only on the first floor so he didn't break anything...and locked him out...our camp directer got mad so he made us watch...THE SUPER MARIO BROTHERS CARTOON...it is the most racist movie every...and is probally going to bad pun hell...it hurt our eyes...i wanted to gouge my eyes out with a spork... after that we listened to the DotA song while we did a 14 hour DotA marathon then we played unreal turny 3 and i got a free copy because i won...we then enjoyed some call of duty...then we played gutiar hero...i was in gaming athletes so it was all good and i only had to show a fraps video at the end of the week of me being epic...do you see why i like lists...
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