Saturday, August 23, 2008

Wait.

Who the hell is Joe Biden? Read the full article.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Analysis of "Stairway to Heaven" Lyrics

A detailed analysis of the famous and confusing Led Zeppelin song. If you haven't heard of it, just kill yourself now and get it over with.
Comments will have an asterisk before them.

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
*Obviously dased and confused (another zeppelin song)
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
*I don't know where to buy those
And when she gets there she knows if the stores are closed
With a word she can get what she came for
*So, obviously some chick with power. Can also use jedi mind tricks.
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
*Whatever the hell that is
There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
And you know sometimes words have two meanings
*This is true. It isn't a problem on any sign anywhere, but it's true.
In a tree by the brook there's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven
*Man, philosophical bird. Who can talk. I needs me one o' them.
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
*Yes, we fucking know what she's buying
There's a feeling I get when I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
*Like the elves from LOTR! Is Robert Plant an elf?!
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees
*Could mean forest fire. Probably want to back away there man.
And the voices of those who stand looking
*Uh, creepy. If people stand in a forest fire and talk to you, that's bad.
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
*Fuck yeah
And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason
*What piper where? St. Patrick led the snakes out of Ireland with a pipe, then
*killed them. Let's not go with him so we all live.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
*More fucking standing people. I'm getting suspicious.
And the forest will echo with laughter
*Haunted forests are also bad. Especially if they're mocking you.
And it makes me wonder
*Are you wondering how many drugs you took while writing this song? I'm guessing a
*lot. Maybe you smoked a dog or something.
If there's a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now
It's just a spring clean for the May Queen
*What....the....fuck....Do you know what that means? I sure don't. I don't think
*anybody does. Can't he just speak fucking english?
Yes there are two paths you can go by
but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on
*That's deep man. Roads. Whoah. Seriously, where did this guy buy his LSD?
Your head is humming and it won't go in case you don't know
The piper's calling you to join him
*More shit from the evil piper bitch. Dear god, leave me alone!
Dear lady can't you hear the wind blow and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind
*Aha, the jedi chick's back. And now she knows where to buy her damn staircase.
And as we wind on down the road
*More roads. And they all lead to Rome, the apparent capital of illicit drugs.
Our shadows taller than our soul
*More philosophical stuff. Shadows are bad, and if there's more of them than your
*soul, you suck bitch because you didn't change your fucking road.
There walks a lady we all know
*We? "We" want to die at the hands of a damn pipe-player. So if "we" know this
*lady form the beginning, I don't want to know her. And stop including me in this damn
*song!
Who shines white light and wants to show
*Aka lightsaber. See? I told you she's a jedi.
How everything still turns to gold
*Still? When do things turn into gold? I haven't seen this happen. I want shit to
*turn into gold. I'll take some of that action. I'm game.
And if you listen very hard
*What? I couldn't hear you, I wasn't listening very hard.
The tune will come to you at last
*Ya know, if you play this song backwards, you get a secret message from Satan. So
*don't try to get the tune to come to you.
When all are one and one is all
*So Plant is apparently a musketeer elf. Damn that would be a kick-ass movie.
To be a rock and not to roll
*Whatever happened to roll? For a while it was "rock and roll", now it's just rock.
*What the hell? Did roll die in a tragic drummer accident or something?
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
*Because she found it on some wind, which can apparently supply your shopping needs.
There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
*Yes, we know.
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
*Why do you keep telling us? In case we need to know about this jedi bitch?
*Personally, I don't give a shit. Not one.
And when she gets there she knows if the stores are closed
With a word she can get what she came for
*Yeah yeah, more jedi powers of awesome.
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
*I fucking know. You've told me like 50 times already. I'm perfectly aware that the
*damn lady is buying heavenly staircases. Anyway, you didn't tell us why she wants
*to buy it. I need to know these things if it's so god damn important.
So, overall, confusing. Don't get me wrong, I love this song. It's legendary. Sheer brilliance. I just don't think too hard about the lyrics.
Read the full article.

A return to the regular comedy of the site

A contest

Ok so i have decided that we shalt haveth a contest pertaining to the amazingness of chuck norris jokes. the rules are simple
1. must be about chuck norris
2. no repeats
3. up to 10 jokes per post
4 the funniest jokes wins

The winner shalt reciveth one shiny new QUARTER
I shalt start it of
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light... Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark but because the Dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.


Bonus
If you submit the hand written answer to this problem to me (no typing so you can't just download the answer and print if off) you will win 2 Dollars must answer both parts in the smallest possible solution and no fractions of cows

Part 1
"The sun god had a herd of cattle consisting of bulls and cows, one part of which was white, a second black, a third spotted, and a fourth brown. Among the bulls, the number of white ones was one half plus one third the number of the black greater than the brown; the number of the black, one quarter plus one fifth the number of the spotted greater than the brown; the number of the spotted, one sixth and one seventh the number of the white greater than the brown. Among the cows, the number of white ones was one third plus one quarter of the total black cattle; the number of the black, one quarter plus one fifth the total of the spotted cattle; the number of spotted, one fifth plus one sixth the total of the brown cattle; the number of the brown, one sixth plus one seventh the total of the white cattle. What was the composition of the herd?"
Part 2

If thou canst give, O friend, the number of each kind of bulls and cows, thou art no novice in numbers, yet can not be regarded as of high skill. Consider, however, the following additional relations between the bulls of the sun:

White bulls + black bulls = a square number,
Dappled bulls + yellow bulls = a triangular number.
If thou hast computed these also, O friend, and found the total number of cattle, then exult as a conqueror, for thou hast proved thyself most skilled in numbers.

GOOD LUCK
Read the full article.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Ouch

Summary - English


So as many of you know by reading my posts i am not very good with english. So why am i taking English HL (the hardest english offered at the school)? BECAUSE THE SCHOOL BOARD IS A BUNCH OF DAMN COCK SUCKING MOTHER FUCK HYPROCRITS. they say that you should take IB HL based on what you are good at and not for friends or because you like the teachers they repeated that to us many many times. However they force you to take english higher level (this is not an IB descision this is just the School board....) So all IB students had to write an essay over the summer and turn it in on the first day. When i got my essay back to look at (the teacher needs them still) it said DO NOT WASTE MY TIME on it from the teacher because my essay sucked so bad... anyway now i have a poetry project where i have to define 20 someodd words off poetry that i have never seen before.

disclaimer - sean appoligizes for the lack of funny in this post all the funny was sucked out of my by life. please enjoy this rant instead
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Sunday, August 17, 2008

Because I Have To.

While the difference is different
It makes me feel the same.
While you go on feeling it
I can win the game.

I climb up the stairs
to your apartment
I go past
your apartment
I go to the roof
of your apartment
building
And meet you
there.

I look at you
You look at me
I turn away
You keep looking at me
"Stop it," I say.

I pull the chainsaw out of my inventory
and aim it at you
And then I start the chainsaw (It's gory)
and throw it at you

OMG HAX
u dodge
the chainsaw
and my heart

I leap for the chainsaw
to catch it and maybe throw it at you
but I forgot we were on top of your apartment building

  Read the full article.