Monday, February 16, 2009

Things Learned from 'Flight of the Conchords'

Well, although nothing interesting has been posted fer ages, here are random things that I have gathered from the great conchords (some of these are from the second season thus far, so if you haven't seen it, then there may be some confusion)

1. Australians are bad
This one should be obvious. Why ever trust a former British penal colony? Their ambassadors are total dicks, the country itself is shunned by every other landmass, and Foster's tastes like total shit. Even the beautiful women who like to have sex will turn around, duct tape your roommate to the back of your door, and steal all of your stuff while you sit on a random curb waiting to elope to New Jersey with her. And on top of all that, her great-grandmother was a prostitute who was raped by her great-grandfather, AND she subtlely mocks your accent. It's fucking terrible.

2. David Bowie knows what he's talking about
Have a bad body image? Wear an eyepatch. No depth perception, ya, he knew that would happen. Is it gay for your friend to put a wig on you and pretend you're a woman? No, of course not. Oh, and do somethign outrageous. You showed your penis to the man from the greeting card company? Why did you do that? I meant make-up or something. Now I'm off to a party in space.

3. Racism is not cool...
...except towards Australians. Every person is a person unless they're Australian, in which case they're assholes descended from criminals and retarded monkeys.

4. Steve sucks
Yeah, what's his deal, spreading a preposterous hypothesis about a fellow rapper being a large water-dwelling mammal. And another thing, what kind of rapping name is 'Steve'?

5. The robots already revolted in the late 90's, and we're living a lie
Self-explanatory.

6. Prostitution is not demeaning
Whether it's because your friend bought a cup and caused your electricity, heating, and gas to be turned off, or to pay for your flute lessons, prostitution is a dignified art, especially if the ladies are checking out your sugalumps.

7. Heaven = sex
Heaven is full of angels 'doing it'. Sex realeases endorphins which make you happy with a capital H that's right next to G that stands for God! (or in this case, "oh god, OH GOD!!!!")

8. Don't add a bongo player or a keyboard guitar player to your band
Or they'll end up ripping a song off of an 80's band from Sweden and losing all of their money, causing your manager to live out of his car.

9. AUSTRALIANS ARE BAD!!!!!
Added for increased effect.

10. Do not befriend your manager
If you try, or if they suggest it, don't! Or else Jim Gaffigan will cause your status to fall down to 'strangers'. On the plus side, your manager wil have forgotten by the next episode, so no sweat.

11. If your stalker gives you a painting, keep it
If you try to throw it away, you'll either have to lie and get more awkward paintings, or wil be forced to show the 'art' to everyone on the block.

12. Behave yourself in other people's dreams
Or else you'll have to apologize, or get your ass kicked. Neither option looks pretty, so no rough-housing.

(more may be added later)

1 comment:

Bishopk said...

Thanks for ruining the second season for me.