Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Matters of the Heart (or lack thereof)

So, as you might have heard, my girlfriend and I broke up. Usually I would let it seep into the mainstream, but due to the overwhelming popularity on facebook, I'll spread the knowledge around, eh?

So, I'm single again, eh? And, since you sick people care about that kind of stuff, here you are. Yeah, break up, whatever. Luckily for me, I cut my heart out, put it in a box, and buried it on a random sand bar years ago, so I'm fine. Now, some of you are probably wondering: "Hey Cap'n Jack, that sounds awesome, how can I go about doing that myself?" Excellent question random passerby, I'll tell you:
1. get a steak knife, a box, and a sand bar
2. stab yourself in the chest
3. now just cut approximately around where yor heart is, and pull that sucker out
4. place in box, and seal with mysterious, awesome-looking key
5. bury said box
Congratulations, you are now a heartless pirate bastard like me! Hooray! Now, instead of being sad and depressing, you'll write about break-ups on a random blog! Fun, right? Plus you're no longer obligated to donate blood or join the army! So yeah. More information may follow.....


chickenboy said...

These steps sound similar to "Dick in a box"

1. Cut a hole in the box.

2. Put your junk in the box.

3. You're a pirate?

Vampi. said...

Hope you're alright hun...

Just another reason as to why high school sucks and ruins people so much.

Liberal Atheist said...

High school, of course, is a companion to the book of Mormon.