Monday, February 16, 2009

A day that should have been boring.

Ah yes, it was a day when a party should have been canceled and I should have been home alone all day.


Instead, my quiet day was interrupted by a bit of excitement. First of all, I planned a party for today. The problem was, that nobody was going to be able to come to my party, therefore, it wasn't gunna be much of a party. The party was scheduled to start at 9, so I woke up at 9, saw that there was nobody at my house, so I went back to sleep. Then at 10, my sister came into my room with the announcement that "Bishop is here." Exactly the first three words I want to wake up to everyday.

From there we were trying to decide what to do with the rest of our day alone. After I changed my pants (Bishop watched *cough*), we biked down to the mall (remind me to tell you about our extended metaphor about that later). At the mall we did various mall activities, such as (but not limited too) buying things, eating things, and walking. We spent about half an hour listening to Incredibad (parental discretion advised) and eating chick-fil-a. Then we decided to bike back to my house (we went the long way), and this is where the rest of our metaphor is inserted. I'm gunna put the comparison to life at the bottom of this blog/note (depending on if you are reading it on wisecrack or facebook).

Anyway, when we got home, we found out that James was a douche (or rather, we found out about the next leg in his journey to douchedom). Apparently he came to my house some time after we left on our bikes and waited in front of my house for an hour or so, before deciding to come find us at the mall. Then, he hung out in at the mall for a while, apparently some time after we left. Then we sent out our facebook status message about James' disappearance. Anyway, we found him, when he came back to my house.

About 10 minutes after James got there, Robert and Ali show up. We spent some time watching stupid youtube videos, listening to music, and watching me play tetris. Never had so much fun in my life. Except for most of the rest of my life. Anyway, Robert and Ali had to leave to "do homework." Then Dani came over. Anyway, so with Robert and Ali gone, we had four people left. What did we do? A party tradition, we went to Albertsons. Except the only vehicle we had was JAmes' car, which can hold four, but only when he doesn't have stuff in it, that we aren't allowed to move. Like today. Soooo, Bishop rode most of the way to Albertsons on the back of his car (sitting on the trunk). Not kidding. Until we had to "Chinese fire drill" to cross Lexington. After we bought soda at the store, we decided it was time to visit James Hagen.

Leaving the street James had to pull a U-turn with Bishop on the back. James apparently "forgot" that Bishop was back there, so he accelerated throgh the U turn and shot down the street. This maneuver landed Bishop on the ground, in the middle of the street. Anyway, after we were done thoroughly scolding James for his Dick move, we went looking for James Hagen. He was at Billy's house! They were air softing. So what did we do, but join them? With the addition of the 4 of us, we had 7 air softers. Great ueber fun. Apart from my battle scars (not even kidding, that electric fully auto air soft gun drew blood [ask to see it tomorrow if you want]) we had great fun shooting each other up in Billy's backyard.

At some time the fun had to stop though, and stop it did. At 4 we all headed back to my house (I rode on the back of James' car this time) and we made it back alive. Barely. 25 mph seems like so much more when you are looking off the back with a car tailing you about 10ft away, and nothing holding you to the car. If I saw some stupid teenager hanging off the back of a car, I would give them PLENTY of room. I wouldn't want a death on my hands. Oh...I forgot to mention my crazy hats. OH well, I suppose that's a story for another day. This is already ueber long. I'll wear my hats tomorrow, yea?

*Btw, Bishop didn't actually watch me change my pants
**No, douchedom isn't a real place, but James really is trying to get there. Don't tell him that it doesn't exist. We're having fun watching him.
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Things Learned from 'Flight of the Conchords'

Well, although nothing interesting has been posted fer ages, here are random things that I have gathered from the great conchords (some of these are from the second season thus far, so if you haven't seen it, then there may be some confusion)

1. Australians are bad
This one should be obvious. Why ever trust a former British penal colony? Their ambassadors are total dicks, the country itself is shunned by every other landmass, and Foster's tastes like total shit. Even the beautiful women who like to have sex will turn around, duct tape your roommate to the back of your door, and steal all of your stuff while you sit on a random curb waiting to elope to New Jersey with her. And on top of all that, her great-grandmother was a prostitute who was raped by her great-grandfather, AND she subtlely mocks your accent. It's fucking terrible.

2. David Bowie knows what he's talking about
Have a bad body image? Wear an eyepatch. No depth perception, ya, he knew that would happen. Is it gay for your friend to put a wig on you and pretend you're a woman? No, of course not. Oh, and do somethign outrageous. You showed your penis to the man from the greeting card company? Why did you do that? I meant make-up or something. Now I'm off to a party in space.

3. Racism is not cool...
...except towards Australians. Every person is a person unless they're Australian, in which case they're assholes descended from criminals and retarded monkeys.

4. Steve sucks
Yeah, what's his deal, spreading a preposterous hypothesis about a fellow rapper being a large water-dwelling mammal. And another thing, what kind of rapping name is 'Steve'?

5. The robots already revolted in the late 90's, and we're living a lie
Self-explanatory.

6. Prostitution is not demeaning
Whether it's because your friend bought a cup and caused your electricity, heating, and gas to be turned off, or to pay for your flute lessons, prostitution is a dignified art, especially if the ladies are checking out your sugalumps.

7. Heaven = sex
Heaven is full of angels 'doing it'. Sex realeases endorphins which make you happy with a capital H that's right next to G that stands for God! (or in this case, "oh god, OH GOD!!!!")

8. Don't add a bongo player or a keyboard guitar player to your band
Or they'll end up ripping a song off of an 80's band from Sweden and losing all of their money, causing your manager to live out of his car.

9. AUSTRALIANS ARE BAD!!!!!
Added for increased effect.

10. Do not befriend your manager
If you try, or if they suggest it, don't! Or else Jim Gaffigan will cause your status to fall down to 'strangers'. On the plus side, your manager wil have forgotten by the next episode, so no sweat.

11. If your stalker gives you a painting, keep it
If you try to throw it away, you'll either have to lie and get more awkward paintings, or wil be forced to show the 'art' to everyone on the block.

12. Behave yourself in other people's dreams
Or else you'll have to apologize, or get your ass kicked. Neither option looks pretty, so no rough-housing.

(more may be added later)
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