Saturday, March 21, 2009

Things That Make Me Jizz in My Pants

In honour of the Lonely Island song. And do you have anything better to read? Really?

*Things That Make Me Jizz In My Pants*
1. my girlfriend
2. your girlfriend
3. your mom
4. rubbing my shoulder (ask Shafo...)
5. any trombone reference in any context anywhere
6. pentatonic scales
7. Finland
8. the number 8 (SHVZGB....ahhh....)
9. AAA batteries
10. your mom again (what a slut)
11. guys nailed to bits of wood and small boys (oh wait, I'm not Catholic, never mind)
12. remember the number 8 thing? (LAKUHAG....ahhh....)
13. Argon
14. Wagner
15. Swiss cheese from Switzerland
16. cross-dressing
17. your mom (I've never actually seen her walking, only on her back or knees)
18. tacos
19. Stairway to Heaven
20. lists of things that make me jizz in my pants ('s supposed to bleed, right?)
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Sunday, March 15, 2009


Life is better than anyone can imagine. Except for you.

That's right, you can imagine quite a lot. It really makes you kind of unhappy, because you can have such high hopes that can be shot down soooo easily. It's easy to kill birds that fly high, because they stay in your field of vision for so long. You can take like 5 shots at them. Try it some time. Take the best possible thing you can possibly imagine, and just think about how hard it would be to ever get that thing that you want so badly. It would pretty much be impossible, right? I'm sure. That's why you high dreamers have it so bad. Don't worry, it's pretty much all of you. It's me too. I've been told it's one of the only things that keeps you alive though. Isn't that ironic? The thing that you can never actually have is what keeps you alive. Funny stuff life. Full of irony (wouldn't it be ironic if you were made of iron?), stupid people who think they are smart, smart people who think they are smarter than they are, and Asians. Plus the root of all evil, the worst of them all (James thinks I'm about to put democrats...but...) Democrats (oh, he was right). Teenage democrats that are female and Asian who are smart but not as smart as they think they are are the worst. The only way they could be any worse is if they were driving a large vehicle, old, and using a cell phone. Which doesn't make sense, because you can't be an old teenager (or can you? [no, you can't]}.

By the way, I would have mentioned Jews, but it is so blatantly obvious, that if i had put it up there, the people who are smart (but not as smart as they think they are), would have gotten upset for me stating facts instead of providing insight into our world. Therefore, they were neglected from the blog. That is all. Plus Democrats all smell like gay rapists.
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