Thursday, September 17, 2009

Cracker rapist. Fuck. Cheese? And the number 3.

A discussion on the origins of the word 'hobo.'

Well, although any of us well versed in the language of Yiddish knows that the word means "one who 'boes' the 'hoes', " there is still some confusion about that, despite the clear definition. That is what I will attempt to clear up today.

Well, I can do that by describing a hobo I know. First of all, he will be able to afford good clothes, but he will wear terrible lumber jack shirts in a previously cool 'layered' style anyway. In addition to that, this particular hobo is gay, smells like a gay rapist, has red hair, and sits diagonally to the back right of me in calculus. If that isn't clear enough for you, then I guess I'll have to tell you about his name. It rhymes with James LaRock. Also, orange rhymes with orange. So, I'm not sure why people say orange doesn't rhyme with anything. In any case, hobos are generally cocky, but can be good friends. Did I mention the gay thing? They can be very gay.

Now, to fully understand a 'hobo' one must know what it means to boe the hoe. Unlike the misguided stereotype that society has put on hobos, they almost always have jobs (almost.). Generally, the art of boeing, involves almost 2.5 hours of practice before you become a master of it. It involves taking a garden hose, a toilet seat, 2 rolls of quarters, and a cup with a hole in the bottom and you...well, I'm sure you could guess. In any case, you then do it TO the garden hoe. I don't think you understand how beautiful a bush cam look after a hobo is done with it. All that pubic hair is generally gone, or in a nice style. I now have a mo-hawk above my penis! : )

I love hobos.

Even if they are gay.

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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

during the presentation

Shiloh leaned over and said during the song by Singsations

"Chelsey needs to stand up straight and learn to walk in heels."

and I said

"I liked the song too." Read the full article.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Hey Gaiz

I recently told Matt and Seamus on Skype that I was committed to posting on Wisecrack every holiday. So...

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL DAY OF DEMOCRACY! YAY DEMOCRATIC PEOPLE! This is a relatively new holiday, created in 2007 by the UN to recognize that democracy is cool and individual and let's ALL go take a HIT from my BONG. Those hippies! "Oh we're all democratic, we all have different ideas about what that means!" SCREW YOU. America's way is the ONLY way.

I think I'll cover tomorrow, too. Just to get it out of the way.

HAPPY MEXICAN INDEPENDENCE DAY! Not much to say here. Mexico was all "we wanna be free!" and Spain was like "uh uh, not in my house!" and Mexico said "WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE" and ran off.
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