Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Curious Case of Benjamin Butthole

Where are we? What the hell is going on?

It''s that time of year again, the time of year that screams anger and frustration. I've got assignments coming out my ears and earwax coming out my ass and there is nothing I can do about it.
We first saw the specimen earlier this week as a bruise on a knee. Now, we can return you to the exciting action and excitement.
Kyle: What is there to do? Only to live, and only to make bacon.
Liz: Alas! The bacon cometh much too quickly for thine tastes.
James: Forsooth, Kyle? Whence cometh this bacon?
Kyle: I care not whence it comes, only where it goes. Into Matthew's mouth.
Matthew: Hark! That be where James' mother went yesteday evening!
Liz: lol
James: Yeah, um, not really.
Sean: What be this asfdsadgrst ghjtr js;trv?
Kyle: Ye'll have to use grammar as your sword, not your enemy!
Sean: Indeed! I see the light from thine mouth!
Liz: That be what she said!
Kyle: What, are we fucking pirates now?
Matthew: No, James' mom isn't here.
Full cast: BOO
James: Forsooth! The bacon hast fill'd a tub of thine best cheeses!
Kyle: Interjection! Mine cheeses... with bacon? This possibly could be the greatest thing EVER!
Matthew: Hooray! Wilst thou lest me sample thine bacon-laced cheeses?
Kyle: That's what she said!
Full cast: BOO
Kyle: What?
James: Look, you gonna share some cheese or not?
Liz: I haven't eaten all day!
Kyle: Your loss, bro. Just take some of the non-cheesed bacon and leave my sight.
Sean: Wurmummle Grrmmmlhrm!
Kyle: I agree! James, get out!
Matthew and James commence "Operation Balloon Satan" which requires them to perform an intricate dance number to distract the others so they can steal the baconned cheeses. They find the cheeses gone when the number finished.
Matthew: What? Whence has thine cheeses gone?
Kyle: I dunno. CHEESE HUNT TIME!
Jack: Oh, I ate it.
Kyle: Where did you come from?
Jack: Oh, you were going to write me into this scene earlier, but you forgot until the middle of the dance number.
Sean: Wurmummle Curmullmlmlmp
Jack: You know, Sean actually can speak in real life.
Kyle: Yeah, but I'm the one who's making him speak nonsense here.
Liz: Hey, let me have some lines! This can't just be about you and Jack getting all cozy like two gays in a pod!
Matthew: James and I want lines too!
Kyle: No. No more lines for James.
James takes this opportunity to shuffle off stage, dejected and silent.
Matthew: You made him cry! Thou art a traitor to thine own brother!
Sean: Mullmlwump!
Liz: Yeah!
Kyle: Yeah!
James, offstage: Yeah!
Matthew: Yeah!
Jack: Arr!
James: Yeah!
Kyle: Sorry, but I'm the one who's calling the shots. And making the bacon.
James: IDEA!
Matthew: Shut up! Nobody loves you, and you're adopted!
Kyle: I like James' idea. Let's all go out and buy more cheeses to quench thine craving for the baconned cheeses, and I shall provide the bacon.
Liz: Yay! I get a speaking-
Kyle: Shut up. Now, who's with me!
Full cast: YEAH!
Sean: Fummlfummp!
End Scene
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